I've been a writer of sorts my whole life. Can focus long enough to contribute professional writing, but have yet to discipline myself for what really makes the heart happy. I first joined and posted in here back in 2007 and what a hollow time that was for me. My mother had just passed away after a long illness in which I was the primary caretaker; the last child was thrown out of the nest and I found myself alone for the first time in my adult life. With no one around sucking the life out of me anymore, I wasn't sure what to do with myself and what a depressing thought to realize that there was no driving force to even make getting up in the morning a desireable thing.
Of course, there is always the opposite sex to think about for a change, but what do you do when you have been out of the dating game for more years than you can remember? Which team is up to bat, and who hid the rules of the playing field? I recall going on a blind date with another couple and as I slid into the backseat with my 'date', he proceeded to slide his hand up my skirt at the same time. While removing the offensive appendage, I advised him that I know I hadn't been out for some time, but I was pretty sure you didn't screw on the first date, let alone before getting out of the driveway.
I've learned that the rules have indeed changed with the internet and it has become very easy to be erased from someone's life with the mere poking of a delete button. People have lost their manners and if you display any at all, you'll acquire a stalker for life. It was difficult to not answer every e-mail on the dating sites because I felt that if someone took the time to send me a note, protocol dictated that I responded in turn. Even if it was to just politely decline an offer to watch them perform on themselves via webcam. "Let's do this again." with the on-line blind dates really meant, 'Fat chance, Sister' because I became invisible as soon as I hit the parking lot. Took me a long time to realize that the on-line sites were full of lemmings and I was just one more dummy falling off into thin air.
Then one day I woke up, shook off the cobwebs and said, what in the world do you really want to do before you die? Where is your bucket list that was never allowed before now? I had been waiting for a man, or anyone for that matter, to take me to all these places I had wanted to see, do, experience and suddenly realized that might never happen. Driving up to Atlanta to visit the art museum for the first time was a very traumatic event for me. I've never been afraid in the physical sense the way other women are because I can take care of myself very well, but it was the aloneness, the social protocols that scared the hell out of me. I spent hours just trying to figure out what to wear. But.......what a marvelous adventure!
So in a few short years, I have completed one bucket list and am working on the second one. Most of the events sans companionship, but you know what? I sort of like being an adult now. When I hit 50, it was off to the airport to go skydiving. I've been whitewater rafting, backpacking out in the wilderness, and riding the waves of adventure whenever the opportunity arises. I dress up and go to the symphony, ballet, opera or theater. It was a task, but I take care of my own pool, yard and watch out because this little woman has learned how to use a chain saw without cutting off her leg in the process.
Can't say that this is like falling off a horse and getting back on because I've never ridden this particular horse before. But don't you know I'm riding it until we are both forced out to into the pasture. I figure that will be sometime around 90...
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